Parentally Pampered or Sensibly Supported?
Being a parent means making countless difficult (and expensive) decisions: Where to send your kids to school, whether they really need that new Xbox, which sport will eat up your evenings and weekends.
These decisions don’t get any easier when kids are nearing adulthood. Suddenly you’re answering questions about cars, mall trips, spring break, and college tuition.
There’s no scripture that says, “Thou must pay your child’s college tuition,” or “Love your child as yourself by buying them a used Toyota Corolla.” But we can look to experts' opinions, real parents’ experience, and God’s words on parenting to guide our kids into a financially successful adulthood.
Teach a Man to Fish…
In 2024, the National Bureau of Economic Research gave 1,000 low-income people $1,000 a month for three years, no strings attached. The average recipient didn’t use the money to find a better job or go back to school; on average, they just took more time off work, making about $1,800 less in earned income a year.
Free, unexplained gifts have their time and place (no kid wants to unwrap a budgeting book on Christmas), but they don’t teach the value of money and the work it takes to get it.
Harvard Happiness Researcher Aurthur Brooks says that “free” money doesn’t bring nearly the same happiness or satisfaction as earned money, and it doesn’t encourage you to be more independent. He suggests, “If you can afford to help your adult kids, pay for investment, not consumption.”
Essentially, don’t spoon-feed your children the luxuries that usually come from years of hard work and smart financial decisions. Provide in ways that encourage your child to work, to think, to achieve, and to love others more ─ not ways that encourage materialism.
Transparency is Key
Kids don’t need to see every electric bill or mortgage payment, but having occasional money conversations will help them understand wise financial stewardship. Let them see you weigh a purchase and hear why you land where you do.
Involving your kids in giving to your church or to a charity is a great way to teach them about generosity. Jami and Clint Kaeb’s story on our Building Impact page is a great example of kids having an active seat at the table in their family’s giving.
Demonstrating how and when you spend your money will build your child’s confidence in making wise financial decisions as they reach adulthood.
Consider Your Family Dynamic
Every family is different; what works for one kid might not work for another. Maybe one child has proven to be responsible with money while another hasn’t. Will they use your money as helpful support or unhealthy enablement? Even if you taught your kids to be smart with money, be aware of other influences in their lives (peers, internet celebrities, social media) that might be teaching them something different.
Not only are your kids different, but you and your spouse might be, too. Get on the same page about generosity before questions come up in front of your kids, not during.
As you’re having these conversations with your spouse, make sure to reflect on your own upbringing. Are you bringing unhealthy financial practices from your childhood into your adulthood? Enter conversations on money habits with humility and grace.
What Our Staff Would Tell You
At Orchard Alliance, we do our best work where faith and finance meet. Naturally, we don’t take the task of raising financially grounded kids lightly. Here’s some advice from Orchard Alliance parents:
“Distinguish between needs and wants.”
“Make expectations clear for your children.”
“Let consequences fall where they need to fall.”
“Raise them to release them.”
“Don’t pass on any generational curses when it comes to money.”
“Your children will value and care for what they have if they had a role in getting it.”
“[Let them] make life decisions for themselves and not feel like they [have] to meet our expectations.”
“The goal of financially supporting a teenager/college-age kid is to help set them up for long-term success in more ways than just financially.”
“Take the time to teach your kids in high school about the practical things they will encounter as young adults.”
Faith and Finance Perspective
“No discipline feels pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” - Hebrews 12:11
As a parent, you want to give your kid the world. But sometimes the best thing you can give them is discipline. Discipline to hold off on that frivolous purchase. To save for what they want instead of taking out a loan. To work hard for their money.
Lessons about discipline and finance shouldn’t wait until your kids are about to fly the nest. They can apply to the lemonade stand, their first apartment, and the day they start raising their own kids. Above all, remind them of the truth that underlies every purchase and financial lesson: everything they have belongs to God, intended to be stewarded, not just spent.
“Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.” - Proverbs 22:7