Things We Shouldn’t Pass On
In previous articles, we’ve highlighted some of the dangers of passing on inheritances to heirs who may not be ready to receive them. With regard to estate planning, we’ve emphasized the importance of securing a will or trust to provide for the future needs of children who have not yet come of age. We’ve echoed other experts in warning against releasing large sums to young adult children who may not have yet learned how to manage their money. And we’ve cautioned about the dangers of leaving a financial inheritance to heirs who struggle with addiction.
But for most of us, there are likely other unhealthy perspectives about money we may have grown up with and subtly adopted as adults. In her recent Tedx Talk, noted financial luminary Tannizia Gasper explains,
“Our early experiences in our family system and directly around money have a profound impact on our beliefs around money, and our beliefs around money predict our financial outcomes. If you grow up poor, not having money is scary. The problem is that as you grow older, maybe you do have money, but you still have that anxiety, because you can't shake that belief. There’ll never be enough money. On the other side, folks who might be really affluent and privileged might think money can solve every problem, but not build up mental toughness to withstand things that sometimes money can’t solve. And so children are being constantly exposed to the attitudes, the mindsets, and the behaviors of their parents and other loved ones around them, and their relationship with money. When this occurs at an early age, it impacts their real-world mindsets later in adulthood.”
The same holds true with non-financial matters. If we are truly people who embrace the deeper life in Christ, we must also protect our children (and grandchildren) from harmful mindsets and perspectives that could derail their efforts to become the men and women God intended them to be—mindsets and perspectives that we may have inherited from our own parents and could unknowingly pass on to our heirs.
Allow me a bit of transparency here. I grew up in a pretty oppressive household. Without getting into too much detail, I lived with pervasive fear, a sense that I was not (and would never be) enough, and a menacing view of a God who was perpetually angry or disappointed with me. And I carried all of these beliefs into my adulthood.
As I entered parenthood, I became painfully aware that my past continued to hold an iron grip on my present—and likely my future, unless I somehow found a way to dispel the lies that kept me enslaved. I knew that unless I became intentional about identifying and breaking certain generational curses, my children could be doomed to inherit them.
There are two ways generational curses can be passed on. In some cases, the parent repeats the behavior of his or her own parents, passing on repressed anger, the need for rigid control over their children’s lives, and other behaviors and mindsets that can ultimately undermine their children’s security and well-being and distort their view of themselves, others, and God.
In other cases, the parent can swing the pendulum in the opposite direction, vowing never to treat their children like their parents treated them. Although this may sound like the better path, if the pendulum swings too far, it can cause equal harm. I, for instance, in wanting to avoid passing on the harsh or hostile behaviors of my abusive father, vowed to make sure my kids had a life relatively free of turmoil and conflict. In doing so, I failed to equip them to face challenges and walk through adversity they would ultimately have to contend with.
Thankfully, the Lord is faithful to His people in their weakness. David’s plea in Psalm 139 reflects his need for self-awareness and his desire to allow God to mold him into the man God intended him to be:
“Search me, O God, and know my heart!
Try me and know my thoughts!
And see if there be any grievous way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting!”
God was faithful to reveal David’s hidden, destructive motives and mindsets because David invited Him to do a deep, inner work of cleansing, healing, and restoration within him. God is equally faithful to us when we invite Him in.
Through His enablement, I have since been able to sit down with each of my four children and confess some of the generational baggage that impacted the way I parented them—some of it financial and some not. There are still some residual issues to be worked through, but it has given them a keen sense of what to pass on—and NOT to pass on—as they enter into parenthood themselves.
Faith & Finance Perspective
Many enduring Christian legacies have been formed and fortified in households that have upheld righteousness and borne the fruits of the Spirit for generations. Others have been fraught with decades of dysfunction and brokenness. Most are a combination of both.
Generational curses refer to the belief that patterns of sin, trauma, or misfortune are passed down through families from one generation to the next. They can be spawned from familial connections to blatant demonic or occult activity. They can result from abuse and victimization, especially suffered in the formative years of childhood. But a more subtle and pervasive cause can be the mindsets we grew up with as a result of our parents’ view of money, relationships, and God—much of which they likely inherited from their own parents.
Through God’s transformative love and His Spirit’s empowerment, we are all given the opportunity to break these curses and launch a new trajectory for our children and theirs. All we need to do is invite Christ to do the deeper redemptive work He longs to do and walk in faith and obedience when old habits and mindsets try to rear their ugly heads.
“Now therefore fear the Lord and serve him in sincerity and in faithfulness. Put away the gods that your fathers served beyond the River and in Egypt, and serve the Lord. And if it is evil in your eyes to serve the Lord, choose this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your fathers served in the region beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you dwell. But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.”
—Joshua 24:14-15