Kids, wills, and having the conversation

This would be the perfect time to open with a clever “strong-willed child” pun, but I’ve got nothing. Moving on then…

The importance of a will cannot be overstated. It’s not just a legal document that transfers ownership of your assets after you pass. It’s a thoughtful plan for transferring stewardship of all God has entrusted to you. This transfer happens whether there’s a plan in place or not, so if we have the opportunity to make a plan, it would be neglectful not to do so.

Regarding your will, your kids are the most important consideration because they potentially fill the two big roles involved in stewardship transfer: inheritor and inheritance. You likely want your kids to inherit at least some (if not most or all) of what you leave behind. That’s a big deal. An even bigger deal is that minor children themselves are a stewardship consideration that a will must address. In other words, what other adult will you entrust with guardianship of your kids if you pass while they are still minors?

These are major questions requiring prayerful discernment, and an important, related consideration is whether you should discuss them with your kids.

Every family situation will look different, and the experts at Orchard Alliance have gleaned the following principles from many years of helping people navigate this question.

• There are generally three ways to communicate your will to your children, and one will likely fit your family better than the others:

  • Include them in the will-creation (decision-making) process

  • Create your will and then inform them of the plan

  • Let them find out after you pass

• There’s no right or wrong to the above and no biblical mandate to inform your children.

• If you have teenage kids, it may be appropriate and wise to talk to them about who the best guardian would be in the event of your passing. If your kids are younger, it may be inappropriate to ask their opinion, and a discussion revolving around your death might inadvertently become a source of fear for them.

• With adult children, family dynamics tend to be more complicated, and it’s often best to simply let them discover your will rather than speak into it. Current circumstances in your family may call for “tough love” planning, so why create conflict today, especially when the future is uncertain? Furthermore, your will can easily be updated to reflect changes in family circumstances and should be reviewed periodically in case such a change is needed.

• Involving your kids in one way or another can sometimes be a special opportunity to teach them about biblical stewardship.

If the above principles tell us anything, it’s that if, when, and how to discuss your will with your children requires careful thought and reflection. The will planners at Orchard Alliance are ready to assist you on that journey.