How Do Your Kids View Money?
We recently cornered some unsuspecting Alliance Council attendees this past May in Columbus and asked them about some family money slogans and mindsets they grew up with. Here are some of their responses:
“Work hard, be careful with money.”
“Money is just for survival.”
“Money can solve all of our problems.”
“We are poor. Just accepted that as reality.”
“We don’t have money, but we’re happy.”
“Money is a burden; don’t spend it on pleasure.”
“It all belongs to God.”
(Watch some of their video responses below.)
I’m sure each of us can add to this list—some with healthier views of money, and others, well, not so much. We may not have had much control over the mindsets we inherited, but we do have control over the ones we pass on—whether they reinforce healthier mindsets we grew up with or dispel the unhealthy ones that shaped us.
I, for instance, grew up in a household where money was rarely, if ever, discussed. But that doesn’t mean I grew up with no money mindsets. On the contrary, our posture toward money was clearly on display in the nonverbals:
Don’t talk about money. As a child, I was never able to discern how much we had or what we did with it. My father wouldn’t even divulge his salary to my mother.
Be exceptionally frugal. Regardless of the noticeable wear and tear on our furniture and carpeting, we never replaced them during my entire childhood. Did that mean we were poor? Or that it just wasn’t a financial priority?
Exercise iron-fisted control: Despite the fact that my father was only home on the weekends and my mother was left to manage the household, my father had to approve all purchases, large and small.
Make all future decisions based solely on money. As I was approaching my college years, it became abundantly clear that if my parents were to help at all with any educational expenses, it would be contingent on my choosing a field of study that would solidify my financial future, regardless of my interests, inclinations, gifts, or passions.
Again, these mindsets were rarely formed through conversation. (Remember, talking about money was a no-no.) But the stature of money in our household was palpable. It clearly trumped all other decision-making factors.
As a result, my wife and I have come to realize the importance of communicating clearly and transparently about money with our kids. Making these conversations a priority ensures they grow up with a healthy, balanced view of money that will enable them to live (at least somewhat) free of financial anxiety—reassuring them that money is not something to be feared (Philippians 4:19, Matthew 6:31-32) or revered (Hebrews 13:5, 1 Timothy 6:10). That it’s not the solution to our problems (Luke 12:15). That we need to be content with what we have, avoiding the allure of unnecessary luxuries and comforts (Hebrews 13:5, Proverbs 21:17), while not bound to a vow of poverty or deprivation (Proverbs 30:8-9, Ecclesiastes 5:18-19). That it’s a blessing to give (Proverbs 19:17, 2 Corinthians 9:10-13). That we shouldn’t spend more than we earn (Proverbs 21:20). That there’s wisdom in building a budget (Luke 14:28-30). That God owns everything (Psalm 24:1) and He’s entrusted us to steward them well (Matthew 25:14-30, Luke 12:42-48, Proverbs 3:9-10). That He loves being invited into our conversations and will guide us as we seek Him (Proverbs 3:5-6, Isaiah 55:6, Psalm 119:105).
But aside from the conversations, what do our kids observe from us that influences their views on money? Do they witness consistent conflict or tension surrounding household finances? Do they observe excessive spending on needless luxuries and conveniences? Or do they sense the importance of giving generously to the church or other Kingdom causes? (This was much easier to observe back when the offering plates were being passed—but not as much today with online giving.) Do they witness the fruits of that generosity? Do they see you experience the true joy of giving?
These questions are not intended to instill guilt or shame. That’s a tactic of the one who would seek to undermine our confidence in our Loving Father’s generous provision. We’re all on this journey, with some further along than others. But we all have the ability and privilege of instilling perspectives and mindsets about money that our heirs will embrace and pass on for generations to come.
